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Robyn’s Extremely Online Round-up #10: A Roubaix bumper edition with Elisa Lamborghini

The tenth(!) instalment in our new series recaps the weekly shenanigans in the peloton, showcasing the fun side of cycling

Robyn Davidson
19 Apr 2022

Happy 10th birthday to my Extremely Online series! In lieu of a dog, it is indeed my child, and I hope you’ve been enjoying it so far.

This edition was slightly delayed to give the Cyclist team more time to eat Easter eggs over the holiday, but we’re back with a bang after an amazing Paris-Roubaix weekend that saw both Elisa Longo Borghini and Dylan van Baarle lift the heavy cobblestone above their heads with some difficulty.

So, let’s get straight into our Roubaix bumper edition!

Pre-Roubaix: Yee-haw!

Philippe Gilbert announced his plans to retire at the end of the 2022 season, marking his participation in this year’s Paris-Roubaix as his last.

Gilbert, who won here in a sprint ahead of Nils Politt and Yves Lampaert in 2019, made sure he was well prepared going into his final trip through hell.

The Lotto Soudal rider attached a saddle onto his Ridley, negating aero for comfort and, frankly, style. Yes, it was taken off before the race.

The Weekend in Hell

Me cheering on the peloton all weekend

I love seeing fans cheering on a determined peloton.

One man gave Paris-Roubaix Femmes winner Elisa Longo Borghini all the support needed to make it to the velodrome solo.

It feels like Trek’s Italian champion later referenced her interview with Sadhbh O’Shea in which she was horrified by people butchering Italian food.

After this, I don’t know what there is. Probably only death.

Elisa Lamborghini

Speaking of Longo-Borghini, what a sensational nickname. I’m mad I didn’t think of this myself, instead opting for Elisa Longo Balls-to-the-wall-ini, which doesn’t have the same flair.

Full credit to Trek-Segafredo’s Alex Kirsch. I’ll have to sneak a look at his drafts to see if there are nicknames for all the team…

A whole new meaning to ‘flat tyre’

Like most, Christophe Laporte didn’t have the best of luck at Paris-Roubaix.

But I’ve certainly never seen a bike do this before. His wheel folded like me under the slightest bit of external pressure or just general life struggles. 

The lesson is clear though: Make sure your impressive bike-handling skills are on display when someone is videoing.

On the flip side…

Ah, Matej Mohorič. Your lesson here is clear too.

Make sure you aren’t being videoed checking out a woman in a sundress.

Oh what, you’re telling me this was nothing but a subtly timed screenshot as he was looking behind to see the chasers, because he was mid-race or something?

That’s what Bahrain Victorious want you to believe…


Repeat offender

Jacopo Guarnieri is no stranger to the Extremely Online series.

From his previous memes about Tirreno-Adriatico to Arnaud Démare’s penis napkins, clearly he is a gift to content.

His most recent appearance in my series comes via his Twitter account after Dylan van Baarle gave Ineos-Grenadiers’ their first Paris-Roubaix victory.

I’ll have to start paying him at this rate.

Special shoutout: Wout van Aert

I very much appreciated Wout van Aert’s efforts at Paris-Roubaix on Sunday, a mighty comeback from the Belgian champion after being struck down by Covid just before the Tour of Flanders.

I can only imagine it was a result of his DS shouting into his ear that I had landed Jumbo-Visma in the sweepstakes, while watching with friends at Manchester’s Station South.

Van Aert finished second on the day, and he did try to win me £15.

I respect that.

See you next week!