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Robyn’s Extremely Online Round-up #1: Sleep-riding, Instagram burns and Jumbo-Visma Valentines

Our new series recaps the weekly shenanigans in the peloton, showcasing the fun side of cycling

Robyn Davidson
15 Feb 2022

What do I and the legendary 7ft Shaquille O’Neal have in common? I'd love to say it's our basketball ability, but actually, it’s our love for the fun side of our respective sports.

Welcome to the inaugural edition of Robyn's Extremely Online Round-up. I'm Robyn Davidson, an editorial assistant at Cyclist, and I spend a lot of time on Twitter observing the curious species that is the pro cyclist in the least natural of habitats.

Just like TNT's regular humorous highlights segment Shaqtin’ a Fool, my new series will recap the less serious goings-on in the peloton.

There’s nothing I love more than seeing cyclists have fun. Because we don’t have to be serious all the time, right?

40 winks, 400 watts

We’ve all been there. You don’t really want to get on the turbo, you have one eye on the sofa instead, but you promised your mates a 40km spin on Watopia and now you have to follow it through.

 

Antwan Tolhoek multi-tasked to perfection at the Volta a la Comunitat Valenciana. In one of the most relatable scenes of the 2022 season so far, the Trek-Segafredo rider warmed up before the stage with eyes plastered shut and mouth hanging open as he monotonously turned the pedals.

Many a neighbour can appreciate the fine art of tuning out thumping techno music as you try to catch some extra Zs.

Many a cyclist will probably want to adopt this technique around week three of the Tour de France.

Jumbo-Visma's Valentines

Photo: Photo Gomez Sport via ASO

Let the cyclist see the cleats. Valentine’s Day has been and gone (thank God) but that doesn’t mean you can’t find out which Jumbo-Visma rider owes you roses or a hug.

Using advancements in scientific technology (do you prefer mussels or stewed meat? How about a One Direction or Bruce Springsteen concert?) to decipher who you’re best suited to within a 0.001 percent chance of error, potential suitors include Giro d’Italia winner Tom Dumoulin, former national champion Coryn Labecki and the insanely talented Anna Henderson.

My money is on Primož Roglič being the Harry Styles fan.

Nothing is possible

Richie Porte to Filippo Ganna, or my French teacher to my grammar in year eight?

Ganna blitzed the final stage time trial despite the steep uphill finish at Étoile de Bessèges, posting to Instagram afterwards. Porte even left a nice comment that… oh, hang on.

Richie Porte either means 'impossible' or he just delivered a severe burn to Filippo Ganna. I choose to believe the latter.

Ganna is consistently finding ways to make the seemingly impossible real, averaging 1,100W for 22 seconds a week later in his uphill sprint at the Tour de la Provence, and reminding us just how human the rest of us are.

He would be then disqualified after the final stage.

Looks like an illegal bike change is the only impossibility when it comes to the world time trial champion. Porte was ahead of us all.

Or he just made a typo.

And finally...

There’s no telling what this final section of my weekly round-up will contain. This week, it’s dedicated to a whole sector of people.

With the announcement of the Tour of Britain route followed the next day by the Tour de France team reveal, it was a rough 24 hours for social media managers.

Can’t say I envied it, from shouts to include Wales despite repeated explanations from the ToB and calls to replace B&B with Uno-X for the TdF.

Come on guys, can’t we all bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles, and everyone could eat it and be happy?

That’s all for this week. See you on Twitter because, in the words of my editor after assigning me this series, I am Extremely Online.

Feel free to DM me any funny things you see, or just any dog pictures you spot.